I am proud of myself...

I am very proud of myself. Why?

The past few weeks have been pretty tough for me.


Work not working out  as it was meant to. So although I'm loving working here, it's time to find something else.

I've been single for three years now and have been going through some pretty rough situations with men recently.

Friendships I thought would never end, have ended.

As if being strapped on cash was not hard enough, I was slapped with an $800 quote to change my breaks which have reached the point of being extremely dangerous.

Stress... drama... heartache.. worry.. fear...pain.. suffering...
All things that I have been feeling.

DEJA VU!!!

Why?

Well throughout my life I have constantly battled depression for the very same reasons mentioned above.
I would start to feel better for a while and then boom! The same thing would happen again and again.

It was so bad to the point that my mom wanted me to go see a shrink!
I refused to for I knew what my issues where and felt that I could deal with them on my own.
So I did just that. Went to chapters to find whatever book called out to me.
You Can Heal Your Life—Louise Hay did exactly that. It healed my life!
Not only did it help me overcome my depression but it completely changed who I was.

I went from being:

Atheist to becoming extremely spiritual.
Only being concerned with partying and having fun to having a new found thirst and knowledge to read, learn and expand my mind.
Having no goals and dreams to having a clear understanding of my purpose in life ( to shine my light and help create a shift in universal consciousness).

Being attracted to men for the wrong reasons to being attracted to men with intellect and ambition.
From having no confidence and self respect, allowing people to walk all over  me, to completely falling in love with myself and realizing my worth. Which in turns allowed me to start attracting people who see my light.
From swearing like a sailor to cutting it out, learning  a new word every day and joining Toastmasters to help improve my public speaking skills.

You get the picture.
Point of all this rambling is that all the issues in my life that had caused me this severe depression seemed to surface again.
So for a couple of days, I was “one “with it.  One with the pain.. suffering...worry... fear.... until I got hold of myself and snapped out of it.

I realized that I have evolved so much and have come so far that there is no way that I would allow myself to go back down the rabbit hole.
In terms of work, I have complete trust and faith that the perfect job is out there waiting for me. When the time is right it will find me. In the meantime there is a reason why I am where I am now. It is part of the journey and is the a stepping stone on my path.

Guys...going through all the drama I have been going through lately has given me an immense amount of strength, courage and confidence. It has helped me evolve to the point of genuinely going with the flow with no attachments to the outcome or to the guy. I know that I am an amazing catch and firmly believe that I will meet my prince charming when the time is right.  I will not go out and look for him for I know the universe will help align us.

My car,  rather than blow all that money on breaks when my lease is up in a few months. I’m picking up my brand new car tomorrow, and have been able to benefit from 2010 discounts and rates. So thank you breaks!! Everything does happen for a reason!!
As for being strapped for cash, I have complete trust and faith that I am tapped into the abundant source of the universe.
There are two classes that I want to start taking in January. One of them is quite a hefty investment, which is why I’m not sure if I’ll be able to take it. Rather than thinking in that manner, I have TRUST AND FAITH that it will work out. In some way shape or form.
I’ve been wanting to learn how to play the guitar for a while now but am holding off on investing in one at the moment. I have complete trust and faith that I will be able to comfortably purchase one in the near future.

Travelling has always been a dream of mine, one in which I have not been able to pursue due to fear and money. I have complete trust and faith that I will have the time of my life on my adventures.

Moral....

I have complete trust and faith in myself and the universe and I know that I can achieve whatever my heart desires.
For it is our god given right!
Most of all... depression is a word of the past and no longer exists in my vocab!

And so it is...


RAN